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The Alphabet Of Manliness | 
 enlarge | Author: Maddox
Creators: Angelo Vildasol, Bryan Douglas
Publisher: Citadel Press
Category: Book
List Price: $15.95
Buy Used: $6.12
You Save: $9.83 (62%)
New (33) Collectible (1) from $7.63
Avg. Customer Rating:  222 reviews
Sales Rank: 4912
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 204
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.8
Dimensions (in): 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.9
ISBN: 080652720X
Dewey Decimal Number: 818
EAN: 9780806527208
ASIN: 080652720X
Publication Date: May 30, 2006
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Condition: great book/ we ship daily
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Amazon.com Review
Lumberjacks, pirates, and Chuck Norris all agree that there is but one arbiter of manliness, and he has but one name: Maddox. The longtime proprietor of the absurdly popular website, The Best Page in the Universe, Maddox has thoughtfully collected his vast masculine wisdom for the first time in a useful reference work, The Alphabet of Manliness. Since men of course communicate with others only under duress, this book may be the sole resource for those starved for answers about basic manly subjects such as urinal etiquette, road rage, and beef jerky. We thought that Neil Strauss, who chronicled his own transformation from "half a man" to a "Master Pickup Artist" in the one-of-a-kind bestseller, The Game, might be the perfect expert to assess Maddox's guide, and indeed, he came through with the sharpest take we've yet seen on the book, which you can read below.
Guest Reviewer: Neil Strauss
 Over the past decade, Neil Strauss, former pop music critic for The New York Times, has established himself as the go-to guy for diarists of decadence, collaborating with rockers Marilyn Manson, Moetley Cruee (on the instant trash classic, The Dirt), and Dave Navarro, as well as porn star Jenna Jameson, on a series of witty and frank tales of celebrity excess. And then he stepped out on his own with one of our top-selling books of 2005, The Game, his bizarre, hilarious, and surprisingly uplifting memoir of joining a secret society of "Master Pickup Artists." Keep your eye out: he has many more smart and shocking projects on the way.
I am fully convinced after reading the entire A-Z of The Alphabet of Manliness that the author of its 26 essays, Maddox, is a nerd. And not just because he correctly alphabetizes the entries, but because he can recite the names of every Castlevania game, talks about hacking and IP addresses and various mathematical theorems, and has just spent way too much time analyzing in minute detail every aspect of the penis, its functions, and its influence on the male brain. However, Maddox's lack of bulging biceps may actually be a positive thing. Because having him become the symbol and policy-maker of all things alpha male just may be one of the most subversive byproducts of the Internet since file-sharing. If you are new to the world of Maddox and unfamiliar with his website www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com, here's how you will react to the book: When you read the dedication--"to the love of my life, my soul mate, and the greatest person in the world: me"--you will think for a moment that you have encountered one of the most unlikable narcissists in the world. When he calls a woman a "bitch" on page 2, you may actually begin to hate him. But if you stick with it, by the time you get to the middle of the book and are fully immersed in his over-active, over-systematic, testosterone-addled imagination, you will begin to realize that Maddox just may be the Andy Kaufman of his time, in possession of the driest wit you've ever encountered. The middle of the book also happens to be the home of Maddox's finest essays. In his contribution to the geek canon of Chuck Norris worship, he spuriously notes that Norris uses hippies as firewood, intercepts letters to Santa Claus to use as toilet paper, and eats "bread, cheese, some tomato paste and a handful of basil, which sounds like pizza, but it's not because Chuck Norris doesn't want to give the Italians the credit." In general, there are two types of humor in this book: things that are funny because they're wrong ("a pirate's semen is indestructible") and things that are funny because they're right (his entire essay on urinal etiquette). By the time you get to his views on the quickie, in which he describes a sexual encounter with his girlfriend that involves her never showing up and him passing out drunk and getting robbed, you may be bookmarking his website. And by the time you turn to the last page, you'll be flipping back to the first, reading it again and looking for the jokes you missed because you were too busy being shocked, offended, and slightly titillated. In short, The Alphabet of Manliness just may be one of the smartest paeans to stupidity ever written. --Neil Strauss
What's more manly than crushing a can against your eye, Maddox-style? Mastered that advanced skill? Move on to Maddox's short quiz below, prepared exclusively for Amazon.com, and find out whether you might be one of the new breed of men, the "hetrosexual." Straight Is the New Gay by Maddox In a world where metrosexuals--stylish, well-groomed, and sharply dressed men--have taken the center stage in defining the new masculinity, small pockets of men are starting to emerge, rebelling against the status quo. This new breed of man has rejected a lifestyle of wine tasting, pedicures, and excessive cultural awareness (i.e., any cultural awareness). This newly born response to metrosexuality is gaining momentum like never before, calling back to a day when men proudly wore plaid, ate liver and onions, and smelled like motor oil by choice. This modern man has come to be known simply as: the hetrosexual. Hetrosexual men aren't afraid embrace their masculinity. They eat, drink, and sleep like real men: fully engorged. There's no such thing as a "fashion faux-pas" in the world of hetrosexuality. In fact, even the use of the phrase "faux-pas" draws the ire of the hetrosexual man in the form of beatings and social isolation (preferably both). These are men who refuse to be pigeonholed into the constraints of sexual ambiguity, and gladly welcome every opportunity to crotch-wrestle a hot babe. Hetrosexuals are making it cool to be straight again; straight is the new gay. Think you might be a hetrosexual? Take the following quiz to find out: | 1. How much should you tip a hairstylist? | | If you answered, you're wrong. Hetrosexuals don't go to hair stylists. | | The correct answer is B) No. Acceptable fragrances for men are: sweat, grease, rum, or some combination thereof. | | 3. Which language do you speak? | | A) French | | B) English | | C) Both | | D) Neither | | The answer is B) English. French is the language of love, and men don't love anything. At best, there are varying degrees of "like," and even then, men don't like anything that much. | | 4. When dining at restaurant, you should | | A) Push aside your friends and wrestle over the best seat | | B) Wait until the maitre d' seats you | | C) What's a maitre d'? | | The correct answer is A and C. A, because if you don't secure the best spot at the table, you may find yourself in the position of having to engage in small talk with your guest. And C, because of the answer to question 3 above. | If you answered all of the questions correctly, congratulations: you are the winner. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a man (unless you are not), and nobody can take that away from you.
Product Description
From the publisher: This is the only sentence in the entire book that will give you a chance to adjust your face; take your time, because its about to be rocked offpermanently. Finally, a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved: The Alphabet of Manliness. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history. Heres a small sample of the ass-kickery found within these revered pages of outright manliness: People getting drop-kicked in the face Phallic aggression Violence in excess of what has come to be known as excessive Garish disregard for the well-being of children Contempt for animals, women, and other cultures Intimidating rhetoric Obscure penile references The triumph of flannel over good taste This book is only for the saltiest, hairiest, most rugged son of a bitch out there. However, it would be selfish to keep it for myself, so feel free to buy a copy. This humble tome of wisdom is a tribute to all men who toil away at work every day, getting their balls busted, or busting balls. If you cant handle the punch to the colon Im about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: youll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 217 more reviews...
 Loyal Fan September 23, 2008
4 out of 4 found this review helpful
I've been a fan of Maddox for some time and I thought his book was great. I think you'll definitely like it, but if you don't like his website, you're not going to like his book so make sure you check it first. Also,if you're looking for manly books, then I would recommend I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell or FRATIRE (also called College Life Extreme?). Both authors have websites so check them out too before you waste your money on a book you might not like.
 Not Worth Your Time September 2, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
After having some experience with the website I thought Maddox was a person who could validate anything he spoke of. Every argument and every statement he makes is instantly backed up with his arsenal of biased opinion. Maddox is at times very funny and his website has made many people keep close tabs on anything he does, such as writing books.
In this case, he clearly states the only purpose of this book is to make money. I hope he succeeded, but in the overall process he failed to create a book. Instead, he just wrote 26 essays based on old and tired jokes. Sure some of it is great and I did manage to laugh out loud several times, but the point is this is not literature. I must admit I did want a break from the same old literature I was currently into and expected something different. But this just let me down.
Much like Sex, Drugs, and Coco Puffs, this collection of pointless stories destroys the author's creativity and humor. Chuck Klosterman and Maddox both try too hard when they write and they come off as lame.
This book was still funny enough to give it a few stars as I didnt hate it, but I can't say that I will ever read it again. Go to his website and read his articles, they're better. Otherwise, keep this book in the bathroom and read a passage or two from time to time.
Hilarious.... July 21, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
While on vacation in Florida, I stopped by a B&N to look for something to read while on the flight home. I had already read all the magazines I like and didn't want anything too serious. I was checking out some books in the humor section and stumbled on this one. I am glad I did.
This is straight up hilarious nonsense from the mind of Maddox, the superman behind "The Best Page in the Universe".
I had a day left in the sun, and spent it voraciously gorging myself on this book, finishing it before dinner.
Truly funny, but truly brutal, this book walks you through the alphabet through the eyes of a brutal dude.
If you don't laugh out loud when you read this book, check your pants - you might have soiled yourself trying to keep it in.
Not that i needed it . . . April 26, 2008
I like to think I'm pretty manly, and in my own way I am. But there's so much Manliness that I never even knew of! Now I'll be able to increase my Manliness tenfold! If you're a man you may want to pick this up just to make sure you've got all your bases covered. If you're not a man then get it just to see what you're missing out on.
 Hilarious - Great Present April 21, 2008
Bought this for my father for Christmas. After he opened it and got a laugh, the book spent the rest of the day getting passed around the family. Absolutely hilarious. And completely inappropriate for young kids, so keep it on a high shelf.
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